A TORN RELATIONSHIP

"100 naira yi o da o (this 100 naira is bad )"

I said to the little girl who came to buy stuff at our place. She brought a hundred naira that is almost torn into two.

"Won o ki n ko 100 naira gan (They don't reject 100 naira)"

"Not to ba ti ya be yen. At least, get cell tape ki o fi le (Not when it is that torn. You should at least get it taped)"

The girl then changed the money to give me another one entirely.

.
.
.
.
.
You see, I knew right from start that the money she was giving me was bad because it was folded into two like we usually do when we know we are giving out a bad money. I opened it and realised it was torn and I had to return the money to her.
.
.
.
.
The way that girl held on to the fact that 100 naira note shouldn't be rejected is something we should take note of. Truly, we aren't supposed to reject the money just like divorce is wrong but we Singles make this mistake:
.
.
.
.
.
Somebody isn't married to you and the relationship is entirely bad. Like outrightly bad! We probably think we can't go into a better relationship just the way I could have kept mute when I knew the money was torn. I wouldn't even have known that she had another money to give me.
.
.
.
.

Some of us have been made to believe we don't deserve better. In fact, we have confirmed and we have drilled it into our system.
.
.
.
.
Okay, some of us have even tried to make it work but it never worked out!
.
.
.
.
Some of us even think since it is God's will, we should manage the relationship like that.
.
.
.
.
.
Have you tried to tell God about it? If you ask God for it,  I am very sure He will do something that is extra-ordinary for you.  You see,  most times, we've made ourselves believe that we don't deserve some things when we actually do.  All you need to do is to ask God and He will give you that which you ask from Him.
.
.
.
.
If I hadn't asked that girl for another money, if I hadn't given her the advice that she should tape that money, it is possible that I wouldn't even get another money.  She gave me another note! Another entirely 200 Naira note!
.
.
.
.
.
What am I saying with this? I want you to know that there are opportunities lying ahead of you. You don't have to sit down there and make waste your life.  All you need to do is to ask God for a new note. It might still be the person but be sure He will renew him or her.
Even if the person is God's will, you still need to ask God,  "God, what are you saying?" and He is going to give you what you want or you should have!
.
.
.
.
.
My plea to you this day is that you should ask. Don't try  to patch things up on your own when you can ask God for something.  Don't try to get things done on your own when you could actually ask.  So please,  ask ask ask ask and keep asking! Don't be tired of asking God.
.
.
.
.
You see, when you don't pay attention to those things, when you don't ask God for what you want, you tend to settle for less  in term of settling for the person that doesn't even deserve you.
.
.
.
So ask Him today to give you the right person for you. Don't try to manage it.  Don't try to stick to a particular tradition or try to say  "I don't know if this relationship will work for me or if it will not work".
.
.
.
.
All I want you to do is to do the needful.  Ask God to give you a new note! Tell yourself you deserve better and you will get it because you are more!

Odunayo Tobiloba Sonde
Relationship Coach| Writer| Linguist| English Tutor.

#BuildingGodlyRelationshipIsMyConcern

Launch Team

A little message from Odunayo

Thanks for showing interest in this post. I have highlighted below what you will gain by belonging to our launch team.

• You get the e-book for free 
• During the pre-order, those you invite will get 50% discount.
• You get to have your name written and duly recognized in the book because we are in this together.
• The big bonus is this! You get 2% of the amount paid of every 10 persons that comes through you and 5% of every 20persons that comes through you. This means you get to make money while doing what you like.

We get to connect more on other levels.



What will you be doing?

1) You will be a support system during the 4 weeks to be used to plan the launching

2)Help promote the book.

3) Help in validating (addition or deletion) of ideas in the book.


Do you feel you are fit for this? Click on this link bit.ly/SingleswebLT to join the closed Facebook group where we will be operating.

Don't get ahead of yourself

I am really serious about this, sisters. It's disheartening. I was once in that shoes and I can tell you, you don't want to have a feel of it.

ATTENTION IS NOT LOVE.

Don't get ahead of yourself. That he is telling you things about himself doesn't mean he likes you a bit. You might not mean more than a casual friend!

Are you getting it at all?

Please let's stop this.

I know we are emotional but we have the ability to control some of these things.


You don't want to make a fool out of yourself.
You don't want to narrate the heart break story.
So, please, don't get ahead of yourself.


I know there are times we need the assurance that people care enough about us but please, still don't get ahead of yourself.


#Attentionisnotlove
#BuildingAgodlyRelationshipIsOurConcern
#OdunayoTobilobaSonde

THE MAN I LOVE LOVES ANOTHER

  

Haaaahaaaaa, what a title! You really are a clown you know. The Odunayo me I know has a heart of stone. In fact, I do wonder if there is a place in your heart to love any man not alone getting married.

"See this girl o. What do you take me for? Who told you I'm not capable of loving? In fact, my heart is as soft as cotton wool that is why its absorbent level is high. The fact that I don't muse over my love life doesn't mean I don't have someone I love, I just have a better way of showing it. I don't go all lovey-dovey on him", I said to Esther my friend.

So, what is stopping you from showing him to us? That's not even an issue. What do you mean by he is in love with another?

It's not that he is cheating on me o, it's just that he is not giving me much attention as your fiance does. You know, calling for hours everyday and stuffs like that. He loves God too much.

Wonder, they say, will never cease. He loves God too much, you say? If he doesn't love God, bestie, who should he love? Satan?

You are not getting my point, jare. What I am saying is that he isn't giving me enough attention like other couples I know and he talks so much about God that I begin to wonder if he loves God better than he do me.

See this girl o! Is your brain still intact? You want him to love you more than he loves God? Or he should just share the love equally between you? Ladies, ehn! I don't know what you want again o. If he doesn't know God, you will say he is carnal. Let me tell you something:

~A man that loves you more than he loves God can never value you. It is his love for God that will radiate and get to you. There are some things that every normal guy will do, like cheating, that he won't do because the fear of God is in him.

See, I am not saying he shouldn't give you attention. Does he call you regularly? Does he chase God with you? Does he create time for you from time to time? Is he there every crucial moment? Answer me.

"Yes, I nodded my head.

Very good then, if he does this then you are only disturbing yourself. Is it that you want him to be spending 24/7 with you? Why on earth should you even compare your relationship with anyone's? Even mine. We are different and the purpose of your relationship is different from mine, my dear.

Ask yourself this question: Am I not being too selfish with demands? What do I even  want in my relationship? You want a Godly marriage? Then, you need to chase God together with your spouse.

WHY MOST RELATIONSHIP SUCK AND HOW TO GET THEM FUNCTIONING IN DAYS

More often than not, we love with the mind of spending the rest of our lives with the person but things change on the long run. We practically can’t explain why but we know things are getting less interesting in the relationship. Maybe your partner seems not to be meeting up to the standard again or you just know something is wrong somewhere and you can’t figure it out.

It’s annoying, right? And damn depressing too (the statement wouldn’t be complete without adding that to it.

I wonder sometimes and wondering keeps me abased. Anyways, life can get more interesting if only things go the way we want and that relationship remain sweet as it was when you met your partner. Enough of the talk, let’s get to business.

REASONS YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS LACKING THE SPICES

  FAMILIARITY: It’s normal to get familiar with someone you are in a relationship with. You know a lot of things about him/her and do things around him/her you do around your parents and siblings.

One way to kill your budding relationship is to get too familiar with your partner. What do I mean by this? When I meet new people, most times, I give them all the attention they need just to feel at home but after few weeks I start showing them the part of me that takes no nonsense. 

Still good, right? If people now get so close, they start seeing the how firm I can be with my decisions. There is nothing wrong with this.

Most people get so familiar with their partner so much that they begin to do things anyhow. They stop doing things they do when they first met. If normally, you guys talk on phone at least twice a day, the calls reduce because of more commitment you’ve got now. But I tell you, that should not stop you from being the lady/guy he/she met some times ago. Rekindle your love. 

Don’t get too familiar with your spouse that you don’t dress up just for him once in a while. Just wake up one day and do things just for him.

·         OVER EXPECTANCY: When I was much younger, I dreamt of having a husband that will be very romantic. I wanted him to cuddle up with me every now and then. Just me and me. Every weekend, we will go out on dates, take the kids to their grandparents, enjoy my honeymoon every weekend and all.

The truth is things don’t usually happen as planned. Do I even have the time to be cozy every weekend now? Don’t misquote me.  Nothing is wrong with this. It’s just that I have so much expectation that if I should have anything below what I envisioned, I will feel cheated. I still want to go on date frequently with my partner but will every weekend work?

Some of us, we have a telepathic view of what our partner should be and do. Nothing is wrong in planning for the best relationship, I want one too but we set so much high expectations that when things are not going the way we want we begin to feel bad about the whole thing and that might make us even think twice about staying in the relationship.

·         YOUR PARTNER IS BECOMING AUTHORITATIVE: You see that we are moving from the simpler ones to the more technical ones, right? I would rather live with a tamed lion than live with a roaring dog.  Your partner was probably all lovey-dovey when you met but as you stay longer in the relationship he became a dictator. That relationship will definitely suck.

·         NO INTIMACY: If you are married and there is no intimacy between you and your husband, the relationship will surely suck. I am not talking about sex here, you guys might be having good sex but lack intimacy. For example, you might be going to church but that doesn’t mean you know God. In fact, you might be praying to him when you wake up in the morning but still lack intimacy with him. There is a deeper level of communion with God that will launch you into a deeper dimension with him.

Are you getting me at all? You know yourself that all you have is good sex not intimacy and that is no relationship. You can’t go anywhere on the intimacy level if you aren’t intimate.

ALERT!!! Never equate sex to intimacy.

There are more reasons why relationship sucks but we gonna have to stop at this for now. In subsequent posts, we will discuss more or you can do well to point some out in the comment box. I have a freebie for the first 5 persons to comment.

WHAT TO DO?

Each of the answer to be listed below is to the problems listed respectively.

1.      Avoid being too familiar with your partner. Be unpredictable sometimes. Give him puzzles to solve sometimes. Be smart and be dynamic. Don’t be too complacent about your relationship. Do things to spice it up. Dress up just for him sometimes. Same applies to the guys. Don’t let her be the only one fighting to keep the marriage functioning.

2.      Be realistic and come with terms with the fact that you can’t always get what you want but you can make it better. Try as much as possible not to allow your expectations ruin the lovely relationship you will have with your partner. You can even suggest he does some things but don’t be too demanding.

3.      The first thing I would advise you do is to talk to your partner about it. If after doing this and he is unyielding you can now think of ways to let him know he is being authoritative. You should be submissive but never allow any guy to turn you into a door mat. If you aren’t married yet, that is a red flag for you.
 4.      You need to talk to your partner about this. Intimacy is the level of connectedness between you and your partner. There is a need for you to connect on different levels. Talk to him about ways you think you can connect with him. Build trust. Increase time spent together. Discover an interface between the individual and your lives as couples.
 To your happiness!

I hope these are helpful enough? You can do well to comment your view or anything you would love to share. Do well to contact me on sondeodunayo08@gmail.com to connect more with me. 

Image credit: Pana Kutlumpasis from Pixabay

NO MARRIAGE FOR ME

"No marriage for me". Comments like this get me worried and make me feel bad for such person because marriage is an institution everybody should want to attend.

A lot of times, people say this as a result of the frustrations they have seen in couples who are married only in name but not in reality.

Love is beautiful and blissful if it is established in the right atmosphere. Every body can have a marriage but not everybody can have a good marriage. Few have good marriage but not all have a godly marriage. 

Confusing? Let me break it down. When a marriage is not planted on a good soil, it will affect the kind of marriage planted on such ground. It is not enough to have just a marriage. You must have a good one. Not just a good one, a godly one. 

A godly marriage is a marriage with God as its foundation. You don't just do things anyhow in such a marriage. God is the head. This kind of family loves God and they are after giving, to the community, children that are godly.

However, not everybody who goes to church enjoy this privilege because most homes haven't given God the charge of their homes. Some haven't gotten the blueprint of building their own home from God. This has always been a challenge as people are building marriages that do not take God  into consideration.

Hence, a lot of young folks are finding it difficult to enter into such institution.

I was one of them. I grew up to know a faulty marriage. My parents were most times at each others throat due to one thing or the other and I said within me, I am not getting married.

To worsen the case, my extended family was no exception. Most marriages there are crumbling (some have crumbled already). I grew up with the mentality that marriage is a scam. Why should I get married if I know life would be made uncomfortable for me the moment I step into the so called institution?

Nevertheless, I purposed in my heart that if I finally get married, I would do all in my power to make my marriage the best. I had different ideas in my brain then. From how I will make sure I do all in my power to please my husband to living just at his command but I realised that can never be a good marriage. I would never enjoy it, I will only endure.

Hence, the resolution never to get married.

Now, I know better. After I gave my life to Christ and saw one of my Aunt's marriage, I said within myself that I want her kind of marriage?

A marriage where the husband is not always the boss. Where the wife is not a tyrant or the husband a bully. I want a home that is blissful.

Never say no to marriage because of what you've seen. Your marriage can be the best because you are exceptional.

Say Yes to marriage because you are going on a journey of enjoying heaven here on earth in your marriage. The mistakes your parents made would not be made by you if you table your case before God. Ask Him to help you build a godly home.

If you are not married yet, you have a lot to do to change the situation of things.

1. Know God and love Him
2. Remember you can't marry just any person.
3. Don't choose a man to marry based on your own set down rules alone. Allow God to lead you.
4. Marry a man who will chase God with you.
5. Apply all I listed from 1-5.

In my subsequent posts, we will know more about building a godly home.

I will love to hear from you, dear readers.